I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
