$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
even my farts smell like vagina
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We left the knife in your bed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
