My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
