remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
