and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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