my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
