good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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