if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
