he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
