I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
