hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
this hospital has no fireball
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
