i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
