So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
