new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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