I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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