Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
