Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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