i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
