it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
