we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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