Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
