i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How naked do you want me to be?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
