Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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