You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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