Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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