i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
