She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You ate ashes out of my bong
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
