No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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