Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
