just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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