So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
