I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
