I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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