I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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