I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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