I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
