Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
