Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
