Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
