I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
