Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
