Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
