when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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