my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
