On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
