Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
