Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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