This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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