So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
