I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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