ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
