White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
